I was talking to Octaviuz this morning/evening (we're on completely different continents) and he mentioned that Yemen was going to get their North Korean missiles after all. I happened to mention the little known fact that the Axis of Evil, of which North Korea is an inaugral member, lies along a single straight line on a Mercator projection map.
Now I know that Bush was using Axis in the alliance sense, with perhaps the intent of an allusion to the Berlin-Tokyo-Rome Axis (which does not involve a straight line). But an axis can also be a straight line about which a geometric figure rotates, or a straight line that divides a geometric figure symmetrically, or a straight line of growth, motion, or extension, or a straight line along which several elements lie. Leaving aside the issue of what information a straight line would be organizing in the case of an Axis of Evil, I wondered whether the members of the Axis of Evil (no matter how reluctant) could actually be placed on a straight line. This seemed like a good question to ask, given the tenuous evidence of an actual alliance (there is a clear difference between similarity in policy and intentional cooperation). If the countries did lie on a single line, perhaps the Whitehouse meant Axis [straight line] instead of Axis [alliance]. That would make sense, in some universe.
I chose Mercator's projection, because all straight lines on this projection are lines of constant compass bearing. Thus, you could start in the most easterly (or westerly (evil doesn't care)) country in the Axis of Evil, and end up in the most westerly (or easterly, if you started at the other end (the dark powers are indifferent)), just by following a single compass heading. Given the intellectual tendencies of the minions of evil (as portrayed by Hollywood), simple is probably better.
Anyhow, it turns out that North Korea, Iran, and Iraq do lie along a single line on a Mercator projection map.
Then the State Department inducted three new members into the Axis of Evil! I was worried that my little known geopolitical fact would fall by the wayside. But no! Libya, Syria, and Cuba also were intersected by the same line!
(Red - the Axis, in all it's evilitude, Yellow - Axis of Evil: TOS, Green - Axis of Evil: TNG, Blue - The Future?)
If the Axis of Evil: The Original States and the Axis of Evil: The Next Generation all lie along the same line of constant compass bearing, this could suggest that a single straight line is determining American foreign policy. Thus, Growlers is issuing an alert concerning the following countries, all of which are intersected by the Axis of Evil:
Mexico, The Bahamas, Spain (the Canary Islands), Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Israel, Lebanon (the line is along the border with Israel), Turkmenistan, Afghanistan, Pakistan, China, and Japan.
Be alert! You may be the next inductee into the Axis of Evil.
Addendum:
It occurred to me about an hour ago that if the Axis of Evil is a line of constant compass bearing (and thus should constitute a spiral from the north pole to the south), there should be more lines drawn on the map. I've done so below.
This adds the following enities to the list: The United States of America (Alaska), Canada (evey province and territory except Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and Prince Edward Island), The United Kingdom (Scotland), Sweden, Estonia, Latvia, Russia, Peru, Boliva, Brazil, Angola, Zaire, Tanzania, Indonesia, Malaysia, Chile, Argentina, and Austraila.
This, of course, greatly complicates things. Maybe it would be better to define the Axis of Evil as the segment of the sprial between Cuba and North Korea, which would conveniently get Mexico and Japan (as well as all of the new countries) off the hook. I guess we'll just have to wait for the next round of additions to the Axis.
Another Addendum:
Wait! There's more! Given the aura of religion surrounding the Bush administration, wouldn't it be great if we could drag religion into this?
Remember that Mark of the Beast from Revelation 13? Revelation goes on to say (in verse 18):
Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for the number is that of a man; and his number is six hundred and sixty-six.
As it turns out, people without understanding have performed all sorts of calculations that result in 666, or some variant thereof. My personal favorite, ringing in at 666 on the Paranoia Scale, is the 666 in Barcodes story, which turns out to just be a nefarious calibration effect.
So machine calibration isn't particulary evil. But the Axis of Evil, by definition, is! And so is the Beast of Revelation! Being as the compass heading of the Axis of Evil is somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 degrees true North of East, I thought I might see (just for fun, you know) if a heading of exactly 6.66 degrees true North of West might do the trick as well. (See how there are 3 sixes in that?)
Guess what? It can (proof in PDF format). There is, however, bad news for those of you who now feel the temptation to print this in your church bulletin this week (you know who you are). Applying the Mark of the Beast to the Axis of Evil makes no sense relative to verse 17, which describes how those lacking the Number of the Name of the Beast (i.e. the Mark) are economically sanctioned. Unfortunately, it seems that in this case having the Number of the Axis of Evil seems to be a major impediment to bying and selling, at least for Cuba, Iran, Iraq, North Korea, and Libya. And that's just backwards, from a Mark of the Beast point of view. (Well, that, and fact that the economic sanctions put in place by the Beast seem to operate at the level of individuals, not countries.) Oh, well.
Tuesday, December 17th, 2002
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