As we move towards the explosive July holidays, we would like to remind you about the fireworks geek sheet in time for you to get your pyrotechnic geek on in Flin Flon or Paw Paw (or elsewhere, of course). You can use the fireworks geek sheet at your local fireworks display, or while watching fireworks on the television (in case of bad weather). Several readers (well, two) have reported that they had a great deal of fun using the geek sheet in previous years. Those individuals who used the geek sheet last year should have a good general knowledge base to work from. The rest of you have some catching up to do.
This year, the advanced fireworks geek should work on details. Specifically, knowledge of the elements that are being ignited will lead to improvements in color commentary. Worried about how this will all play out? To calm your fears, Growlers hypothesizes that the following pyrotechnical conversations could occur this year (after an appropriate amount of study).
Conversation A
bystander: Wow! Look at that red one!
pyrogeek: Yeah, that might be strontium.
bystander: strontium?
pyrogeek: You know, strontium. Atomic number 38. Named after a little town in Scotland where minerals containing strontium were found in lead mines used to produce shot. One of those minerals is called celestine, which is kinda fitting, considering that we're staring at the sky here.
bystander: Ah.
pyrogeek: I can recite the half lives of strontium isotopes if you'd like.
bystander: (points off into the darkness) Is that John Williams?
Conversation B
bystander: Oooooh. Blue.
pyrogeek: So that would be a copper compound of some sort.
bystander: I'm sorry?
pyrogeek: The blue color. That's almost certainly some sort of copper compound (waves fireworks geek sheet distractingly).
bystander: Ok.
pyrogeek: Yeah, copper's pretty neat stuff. Horseshoe crab blood contains a copper based compound like our hemoglobin. It's called hemocyanin, and it's blue when oxygenated.
bystander: Uh huh. (begins to edge away)
pyrogeek: Not only that, but the Statue of Liberty is an enduring symbol thanks in large part to copper.
bystander: (has vanished)
Conversation C
bystander: I really like these silvery white explosions.
pyrogeek: Who wouldn't? I mean, that mix of titanium, zirconium, and magnesium is something special.
bystander: Is it?
pyrogeek: Oh, yes. Titanium is just so useful, thanks to a huge strength to weight ratio and the fact that it is physiologically inert. And a silicate of zirconium is the oldest thing on the planet. As for magnesium, well, how about chlorophyll?
bystander: Say, those do go together nicely. For instance, a piece of titanium jewelry with inlaid cubic zirconia could really work (in fact, titanium settings tend to hold stones very tightly because of the metal's properties). And if you included some leaf shapes, you could get magnesium in on the deal (symbolically). Being as magnesium burns and all.
pyrogeek: You mean a ring like this? (proposes)
bystander: Oh, yes. (accepts)
Geektacular.
Sunday, June 30th, 2002
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