[A Happiness Elixir.]
Sometimes when George was feeling bored on Sundays, he would wander through the stacks in the library, waiting for a title to catch his eye.
One musty Sunday, George was doing this very thing, when he noticed a peculiarly red book. It was titled "The Happiness Elixir". George took the book off of the shelf and opened it.
"Hello, George," he read. This startled him, and he looked up and down the aisle suspiciously. "You are about to learn how to make a happiness elixir. Please turn the page."
George turned the page. There was a list of ingredients. They were all remarkably common and inexpensive. On the facing page was a list of directions. These were impossibly simple.
"Mix well. Keep chilled."
George furrowed his brow. This situation was very odd. He turned the page.
A few hours later, George noticed that he was in his kitchen, mixing some remarkably common and inexpensive ingredients in his blender. He put the resulting syrup into the fridge.
The next morning, George woke up, got ready for work, and stumbled blearily into the kitchen to find something to eat on his way to the office.
His kitchen smelled wonderful.
He opened the fridge and was engulfed by a cloud of joy. George picked up the container of happiness elixir and inhaled deeply.
He smiled.
George poured a little of the elixir into a glass and gulped it down. His eyes began to shine with a glee that he had scarcely felt since he was a child. He poured the rest of the elixir into an insulated thermos and walked out the door.
It was raining, a cold, wet, miserable rain that had descended on the city overnight, along with a nasty breeze. George found himself skipping and humming a magnificently silly song.
On the bus that he regularly took to work, George decided to share his elixir with his fellow passengers. They ignored him uncomfortably, and their mask-like faces became imperceptibly more wooden.
George was not fazed at all. He just grinned and took a few more sips from his thermos. By the time George arrived at his office, he had decided to take the day off and to focus on giving away the elixir. Less than an hour later, he was standing in the rain on Main Street, trying to give the elixir away.
Nobody paid him any attention. They just shuffled briskly through the cold and rain, intent on shuffling briskly to their very important destinations.
The people were not, however, happy.
George finally managed to corner a businessman at a newspaper vending machine.
"Excuse me, sir," said George happily, "would you like to try this happiness elixir? It's free, and it's tasty. Mmmmmmm." George poured some of the elixir into a plastic cup and put down the thermos. A wonderful smell filled the air.
"No, thanks," said the man gruffly, trying to step past George.
George slid in front of him and grinned. "Are you happy?" he asked.
"Yes," said the businessman's mouth. "No! Help me!" said his eyes.
"You don't look happy," said George.
"I'd be happier if you'd get out of my way and if you could mind your own business," said the businessman. He wrinkled his nose at the sickly sweet odor emanating from the cup.
"I don't think you mean that, deep down inside," said George, smiling angrily and tapping the businessman's chest.
"Oh, but I do," said the businessman. "Get out of my way." He began to push past George.
George felt his face and hands grow hot. "You need this happiness elixir," he growled. "You just don't realize it." The businessman was almost by him, but George was quick and strong, and the businessman was unsuspecting.
George threw the businessman to the ground, lept onto his chest and pinched his nostrils. The businessman's mouth gaped open as he gasped for breath.
George poured the warm, bubbling elixir down the businessman's throat.
The businessman smiled. Then his face contorted. "Oh!" he cried, "it burns."
Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
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© 2003 Karl Bailey.