[Proposed Delaware Scenarios.]
No one ever talks about Delaware. They talk about the District of Columbia, which is smaller. They talk about Texas, which is larger. But never Delaware. I imagine that I could change that, one conversation at a time.
Salesperson: That will be $5.62.
Me: Did you know that the Delaware state bird is the Blue Hen Chicken?
Salesperson: Huh.
Policeman: Ah. I see that you are wearing your seatbelt! Foiled again!
Me: Well, sure. I've never been to Delaware, but it only has three counties. I've driven through more counties than that this morning.
Policman: Me too, brother, me too.
Doctor: Your last physical was three years ago? You could have died.
Me: Nah. I drink milk, Delaware's state drink.
Doctor: Studies show that may or may not have been a good idea.
Protestor: The people have no power against the tyranny of the corporate lobby.
Me: Wait! Remember the struggle of the schoolchildren of Delaware! They realized that their state had no state bug, and so they lobbied the General Assembly until the Lady Bug was named as the Delaware state bug. Even though the Lady Bug is a beetle and the children were only in second grade.
Protestor: Wow. We need to import some schoolchildren from Delaware.
Postal worker: Hi! Here's your mail!
Me: And here's a small plastic squid for you! A squid is a cephalopod, just like the belemnite, Delaware's state fossil. You can find belemnites on the north side of the Chesapeake and Delaware canal, in dredge spoil piles.
Postal worker: Um. I don't think my route goes by Delaware. But, uh, thanks for the squid. Um.
Guy on Street: Hey, buddy, got a light?
Me: No, but I can tell you this: Rehoboth Beach, Delaware was originally the site of religious camp meetings. The name Rehoboth appears three times in Genesis: As one of four cities built in Asshur or Assyria by Nimrod, as a well dug by Isaac to reduce conflict with competing herdsmen, and as the hometown of one of the Edomite kings. It means broad or wide place in Hebrew. Like this street, see? Rehoboth!
Guy on Street: Are you cursing me, devil boy?
News anchor on TV: This cold rainy weather sure could make a person crabby, Jim.
Me: (to television) The horseshoe crab isn't a crab. It's more closely related to spiders and scorpions, truth be told. The biggest population of American horseshoe crabs is located in Delaware Bay.
Weatherman on TV: ... and this weekend doesn't look much better. I guess we'll just have to keep those umbrella with us for a while longer, ha ha.
News anchor on TV: Ha ha! Local news is up next!
Tourist: Could you take our picture?
Me: Sure. I see you've chosen to wear Colonial Blue and Colonial Buff, the Delaware state colors. Those would be Munsell colors 10YR 7/4 and 2.5B 6/4 respectively.
Tourist: Your finger is over the lens.
Random student: I'm new to campus. How do I find the MSU Union?
Me: Go to the north part of campus. Drive in circles. I've been here for four years, and I still have no mental map of the north part of campus. And I work there. Hey! You know what else is confusing? Interstate 238 in California isn't connected to I-38. I-38 doesn't even exist. So that's a violation of the interstate numbering rules. There is some talk of creating I-101 in Delaware, which would be a second such violation.
Random student: (backing away) Rehoboth!
Wednesday, May 21st, 2003
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© 2003 Karl Bailey.