[The Diplomats.]
Scene: the global village.
Iraq: (Does evil stuff and tells lies.)
The United States, Britain, Spain, and Bulgaria: Let's fight. Fight, fight, fight! Or rather, let's pass this resolution and see what happens. If you know what we mean. (The countries draft a resolution full of Diplomese.)
France and Russia: You try it, and we'll veto. Veto, veto, veto!
China: Or abstain. We might abstain.
Syria and Germany: Or you could veto. We would if we could.
The United States: We won't like you if you continue to behave like this. And you know what that means.
Britain: (Divides its house.)
Angola, Cameroon, Guinea, Chile, Mexico, and Pakistan: (Mull things over.)
Iraq: (Complies. Fails to comply.)
The United States: Hey! Stop mulling! Vote with us.
France: Or us!
The United States: We'll give you aid!
Ari Fleischer: You're saying that the leaders of other nations are buyable. And that is not an acceptable proposition.
The United States: Ignore him. Would you like some aid? (Sends some troops to the Middle East.)
Turkey: No.
Angola, Cameroon, Guinea, Chile, Mexico, and Pakistan: (Mull things over.)
Iraq: (Complies. Fails to comply.)
Canada: Why don't we compromise? Compromising is fun!
Everyone: (Ignores Canada.)
France: Vote no! Or abstain! It's the only way! Or ways! Just don't vote along with the United States!
The United States: (Exasperated.) Our intelligence indicates that everyone else is going to vote with us. Maybe you would like to too. Would you like some aid? (Sends troops to the Middle East.)
Angola, Cameroon, Guinea, Chile, Mexico, and Pakistan: (Mull things over.)
Turkey: Well, maybe we'd like some aid. We'll get back to you. Maybe.
Russia: We're probably going to veto this resolution.
France: Yeah! Us too! Veto!
Britian: (Watches half of itself resign indignantly.)
Iraq: We think that it would be nice if everyone decided not to attack us. (Prepares for war.)
The United States: I'm disappointed in all of you.
North Korea: Look at us! Look at us! LOOK! LOOK! We have missiles! We have nuclear things! Please pay attention to us! But not in that way!
(Next: Vote and Veto are anagrams!)
Monday, March 10th, 2003
permanent url
<<< past things
future things >>>
archive
© 2003 Karl Bailey.